Your world today, according to CNN

Here at Jett's News, we have a strong distaste for the mainstream media - particularly CNN. As pioneers of the 24-hour news cycle, the so called "worldwide leader in news" changed the way information and "news" is reported forever.

Thanks to Ted Turner's "vision," we now live in a media culture in which news and/or controversy must be created to maintain the interest of the viewer/reader for as long as possible. Sadly, "breaking news" has become none other than a transition back into programming from a commercial break. And as other mainstream outlets have followed suit, we are subjcted to idiocy and lunacy from people like Glenn Beck and Rachel Maddow.

Fortunately, the new media culture also makes for some entertaining and indeed head-scratching headlines. Each week, we plan to highlight this by focusing on the ridiculous stories that CNN considers "news."

As such, we bring you, "Your world today, according to CNN:"

- Apparently new cell phones are just getting too big for pant pockets. Thankfully, Levis and Apple are jointly developing a line of jeans called "iAsspockets."

- Winston Churchill's false teeth just sold for $23,000. Do I even need to comment on this one?

- Anthrax killed 82 people in Uganda. And I when I say people, I mean, uh, hippos.